I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
