none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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