How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
