I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
