Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
