# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
