wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
