The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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