I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
