Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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