I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
