I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
