If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
