easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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