when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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