Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
