it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
