Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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