I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You can't motorboat a personality
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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