dude i'm inner monologue high
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
