Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
