Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
