the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
