Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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