He told me they were just razor bumps!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
