how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
