You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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