i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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