fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
