I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
