She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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