I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
