And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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