the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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