It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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