a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
