And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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