we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A+ Viking dick
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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