you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
