bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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