He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
