and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
