OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
