dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
