i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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