so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
