A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
