I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
