life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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