My sheets look like a crime scene.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
