i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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