I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
