How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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