You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This toilet bowl is my home.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
