Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
